- Years old:
- Sexual orientation:
- I prefer emotional male
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I always knew I was destined to be the perpetual, quintessential bachelor, and I made no apologies for it.
I was a young, successful attorney, and my bachelor pad in Anaheim was a revolving door of women, parties and excess. I was always upfront with the women in my life. On every first date, I revealed that I was dating multiple women, that I had no intention of settling down and that I loved my single life.
It was inevitable that they thought I would change or they could change me. But they always realized sooner or later that trying to change me was an exercise in futility. Still, many tried.
An ecological framework
I was too busy partying with the women I already knew; who needed to be bothered with going on a blind date? Then a few years later, a friend called me to refer a client who needed help with a legal matter. It turned out it was a man who had become engaged to Janet in the years since our would-be date. Always eager to take on a new client, I set up the consultation and, since it was a referral from a friend, I offered to make a house call.
The door opened. As I laid eyes on Janet for the first time, I thought back to the day I passed on the opportunity to meet her, and I was instantly filled with regret. She was stunning. A tingling sensation started at my feet and was making its way up to my heart.
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He had died suddenly of a heart attack while playing basketball. After an appropriate period of time, I reached out to Janet and offered my condolences. I apologized for bothering her, and told her I would need a death certificate once all affairs were settled.
What was meant to be a quick meet and exchange of documents, turned into a three-hour conversation unlike any I had had before. I felt such a strange connection to her.
Inside, I was telling myself to stop. But on the drive home, I could not get her out of my head.
Over the next several months we talked regularly and formed a platonic friendship, something that had been completely foreign to me when it came to women. Now, I must confess that I have no memory of that blackout-drunk moment, but many witnessed it, so I know it happened.
The very next day, Janet and I had plans for lunch.
She cut me off. I deserved it.
It was nearly three years later that I was driving home on the 5 Freeway and passed the building where Janet worked in the City of Commerce. On a whim, I called her and the next thing I knew we were talking again. She was dating someone, I was dating several people, and we struck up a nice friendship.
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My bachelor ways continued and included my annual Halloween costume party. I invited Janet. We hung out together, had dinner and saw movies, but there was absolutely no touching, kissing or anything of the sort. I protested that I just wanted to do something romantic for her. However, I was still dating several other women, which Janet knew about it. But I told her she was special: No matter what I was doing or who I was doing it with, if she wanted to go out, I would drop everything. She put this to the test. One night while I was out with another woman, Janet called and said she was getting off work early and wanted to have dinner.
Have a nice life. Something would not let me. I think the kicker was the close knit relationship she has with her her enormous Filipino family, which paralleled the relationship I have with my Jewish family. I told her a truth about myself: As a young, wild attorney, I made a lot of money but spent even more. She was OK with that as long as I was seeing her exclusively.
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A week later, on a cliff overlooking the ocean, I popped the question exactly at sunset. She said yes and we shared our first kiss. Janet and I have been happily married for 15 years and have three children, Jonah, 14, Mason, 10, and Julianne, 6.
What made me finally give up my partying ways and stop drinking altogether?
And why Janet? Those are questions I will never be able to answer. Straight, gay, bisexual, transgender or nonbinary: L. Affairs chronicles the search for love in and around Los Angeles — and we want to hear your story. You must allow your name to be published, and the story you tell has to be true.
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