- My age:
- Where am I from:
- What is my gender:
- I'm lady
- What I like to drink:
- Mulled wine
- My favourite music:
- I have tattoo:
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in. By Mark Manson. In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And those fucks I have not given have made all the difference. Holy shit, that dude does not give a fuck. Man, that guy does not give a fuck. Chances are you know somebody in your life who, at one time or another, did not give a fuck and went on to accomplish amazing feats.
Perhaps there was a time in your life where you simply did not give a fuck and excelled to some extraordinary heights. Same with deciding to sell most of my possessions and move to South America. Fucks given? Just went and did it. The point is, most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving too many fucks in situations where fucks do not deserve to be given.
We give a fuck about the rude gas station attendant who gave us too many nickels. We give a fuck when a show we liked was canceled on TV. Fucks given everywhere. Strewn about like seeds in mother-fucking spring time. And for what purpose? For what reason?
Easy comforts? A pat on the fucking back maybe? This is the problem, my friend. Indeed, the ability to reserve our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of situations would surely make life a hell of a lot easier.
Failure would be less terrifying. Rejection less painful. Unpleasant necessities more pleasant and the unsavory shit sandwiches a little bit more savory. I mean, if we could only give a few less fucks, or a few more consciously-directed fucks, then life would feel pretty fucking easy.
Ever watch a kid cry his eyes out because his hat is the wrong shade of blue? Fuck that. Developing the ability to control and manage the fucks you give is the essence of strength and integrity. We must craft and hone our lack of fuckery over the course of years and decades.
Like a fine wine, our fucks must age into a fine vintage, only uncorked and given on the most special fucking occasions. This may sound easy. But it is not.
This is no way to live, man. So stop fucking around. Get your fucks together.
And here, allow me to fucking show you. When most people envision giving no fucks whatsoever, they envision a kind of perfect and serene indifference to everything, a calm that weathers all storms. This is misguided. People who are indifferent are lame and scared. In fact, indifferent people often attempt to be indifferent because in reality they actually give too many fucks. They are afraid of the world and the repercussions of their own choices. Therefore, they make none.
They hide in a grey emotionless pit of their own making, self-absorbed and self-pitied, perpetually distracting themselves from this unfortunate thing demanding their time and energy called life. My mother was recently screwed out of a large chunk of money by a close friend of hers. Had I been indifferent, I would have shrugged my shoulders, sipped some mocha and downloaded another season of The Wire. Sorry mom.
But instead, I was indignant. I was pissed off. This illustrates the first subtlety about not giving a fuck. This is what is so admirable — no, not me, dumbass — the overcoming adversity stuff. The staring failure in the face and shoving your middle finger back at it. The people who just laugh and then do it anyway. They reserve their fucks for what truly fucking matters. And an occasional lawsuit or two. And because of that, because they reserve their fucks for only the big things, the important things, people give a fuck about them in return.
Think for a second.
Why does this lady give a fuck? Her kids are dickhe and never visit.
So she snips coupons. All day, every day.
Not the hand sanitizer. In life, our fucks must be spent on something. There really is no such thing as not giving a fuck. The question is simply how we each choose to allot our fucks. You only get a limited of fucks to give over your lifetime, so you must spend them with care. But fuck it, pretend like he did. The point is that fucks have to be earned and then invested wisely. Everything is new and exciting.
And everything seems to matter so much. Therefore, we give tons of fucks. As we get older, we gain experience and begin to notice that most of these things have little lasting impact on our lives.
We realize how little people pay attention to the superficial details about us and we focus on doing things more for ourselves rather than for others. Then, as we grow older and enter middle age, something else begins to change. Our energy levels drop. Our identities solidify. We know who we are and we no longer have a desire to change what now seems inevitable in our lives.
And in a strange way, this is liberating. We no longer need to give a fuck about everything.
Life is just what it is. We accept it, warts and all. Life fucking goes on. We now reserve our ever-dwindling fucks only for the most truly fuckworthy parts of our lives: our families, our best friends, our golf swing. And to our astonishment, this is enough.
This simplification actually makes us really fucking happy. And along with our gum lines and our sex drive, our ability to give a fuck has receded to the point of non-existence. In the twilight of our days, we carry out a paradoxical existence where we no longer have the energy to give a fuck about the big things in life, and instead we must dedicate the few fucks we have left to the simple and mundane yet increasingly difficult aspects of our lives: where to eat lunch, doctors appointments for our creaky ts, cent discounts at the supermarket, and driving without drifting to sleep and killing a parking lot full of orphans.
You know, practical concerns. Then one day, on our deathbed, hopefully surrounded by the people we gave the majority of our fucks to throughout our life, and those few who still give a fuck about us, with a silent gasp we will gently let our last fuck go.
Through the tears and the gently fading beeps of the heart monitor and the ever-dimming fluorescence encapsulating us in its divine hospital halo, we drift into some unknowable and unfuckable place. We all think we know ourselves well, but psychological studies show otherwise. In fact, most of us are somewhat deluded about ourselves. I put together a ebook explaining how we can come to know ourselves better. Check it out. OG Blogger. Psychology Nerd.